Wise Heart,

The calendar has flipped to a new page and now everything (or some things) is/are going to be different!  This is the year when you will finally start exercising, write your novel, start your business, lose the weight, take the art class, get your finances in order, clean behind the fridge….

Phew!  So much pressure on a new year and on you!

While your intentions are noble, this kind of pressure is already putting you at a disadvantage and has set the stage for almost certain failure to achieve your goals. 
Not everyone fails in their desire to make changes and better themselves but it is a rare few who can claim this achievement.  Why can a few achieve their goals and most can not?

New Year’s resolutions, goals, themes, WOTY*, plans, etc., often fail because you are missing a few key ingredients for success.

The first ingredient is wisdom – your wisdom.

For example, is your desire to lose weight coming from a clear knowing that you are ready to shed the layers of protection that have been keeping you safe or is it coming from someone or something outside of you that says you’ll be loved, belong, be more successful if you are skinny?
Your inner wisdom knows what you truly need – connect with that and you’ll be 1/3 of the way to success!

The second ingredient is joy.

When you think about your goal or theme or resolution are you filled with exuberance and excitement to get into action?  Or are you steeling yourself for the battle ahead, determined to make it happen but already exhausted at the thought of starting?

Determination and will power are short term fuels.  Joy is an easily renewable force.  Joy based goals are much more likely to be achieved.  Goals based in scarcity and “I need to fix something” mentality are most likely to fail. 

These two ingredients are important.  They make a world of difference in your ability to create change, but this third ingredient is the game changer!

The third ingredient is creating supportive environments.

Your home, relationships, technology, beliefs, etc., all impact your daily actions. Consciously and intentionally create your environments well and not only will you make the changes easily, but the changes will also stick. 

If you want to create something new for yourself this year, tune into your deeper wisdom, connect it with your joy and then create supportive environments and there will be no stopping you!!

Love,

*WOTY = Word of the Year

Wonderful Reader

Welcome to Winter!  We have just officially transitioned into a new season with all that it has to teach and offer us.  While many people are urgently wanting to put this past year behind them, this shift into a new season is an important time for some reflection.  Here are a few questions to help you take stock of this past year:

• What was the most challenging part of 2020 for you (be specific)? 
• Who did you have to become to meet those challenges?|
• What do you need to do to grieve the difficulties and losses of 2020?
• What new aspects of yourself did you discover?
• What were all the wonderful experiences of 2020 (be specific)?
• What experiences, learnings and aspects of yourself do you plan to take with you into 2021?
• What are your dreams, desires and longings for 2021?

Taking some time to reflect and get clear about the past year is important because it helps you to see where you have grown, what you have learned and who you have become.  This reflection helps to raise your self esteem and helps you to see your life as more in balance. 

I do this practice every year and I am always surprised at what I discover and what the year really held for me.  It’s a very effective way to bring closure and to free myself up for stepping into the next phase of my life and dreams. 

Something else I want to share with you as we close out this year is my gratitude.  I am so grateful that you are a part of this community and that you allow me into your email box every month.  Thank you for giving me a place to share my experiences, thoughts, and wonderings.  I cherish your comments and responses and I am always delighted to hear from you. 

I wish you a restful and peaceful holiday and may your coming year be filled with delicious dreams and inspired joy!

Love,

P.S. I made a little video for you to welcome the new season – you can take a look here:  https://youtu.be/4xSW0MOpO2E

Hello Bright Shining Reader!

Just a short note today….

I have a gift for you – at least it is a gift for me to share it with you!  (and no, this is not a Black Friday or Cyber Monday sale!).

We are approaching the next change of season and in my part of the world, that means winter.  We are experiencing longer and longer periods of darkness as we journey to the longest night of the year, so to bring you a bit of extra light I am inviting you to 21 Days of Joy!

Starting on December 1^st I’ll be on my Facebook page to bring you a daily dose of light and joy all the way to December 21 when we greet the Winter Solstice.  I have been collecting a variety of experiences for you from videos, posters and quotes to simple yoga poses, favourite recipes and stress relievers. 

I hope you’ll join me!

Love,

Dearest Resilient Reader:

Let your breath out.

Relax your jaw.

Invite your shoulders to drop and feel the contact of your clothes on your skin.

Soften the palms of your hands and the soles of your feet.

What do you notice in your body as you bring your attention to it?

Maybe you’re noticing how much tension you are holding, maybe you can’t relax your jaw, maybe emotions rise to the surface as soon as you let down your guard or maybe you are sailing through these months with ease and grace….

What I’m noticing is that many of you are bone deep weary (myself included).  And while many of us have been rallying to keep going, staying positive, doing our best to keep up, the truth is, life is extra hard right now.  Life can be challenging in the best of times but add a pandemic to the mix and we are being asked to cope at an intensity that feels beyond our capacity. 

Please know that it’s okay to be tired.

It’s okay to feel like you don’t want to try anymore.

It’s okay to feel worried, uncertain and afraid.

It’s okay to want everything you are experiencing to be over.

Humans were not designed to cope with long term, worldwide stress like we have been experiencing these past several months.  Let’s face it, in the Western world, we have not exactly been stellar at coping with short term stress which means that we don’t have the skills to transfer into coping with a pandemic.  Our bodies were designed to experience a threat, deal with it immediately, and then to recover. 

It’s the recovery part that most of us are missing.

You see, stress isn’t actually the problem, it’s the lack of recovery from stress that causes the harm.  Raise your hand if you have ever been through something stressful and then got up and carried on the next day like nothing happened.  Then as time passes, you can’t understand why you feel tired, easily overwhelmed, foggy, unable to focus and can’t make decisions or solve simple problems. 

When you don’t stop to acknowledge what you have been through and you don’t give your body, heart and spirit time to restore, you can’t be patient, creative or focused.  Over time, lack of recovery is dangerous – it leads to illness, disease and even early death.

Take more breaks, go to bed earlier, pick one project to complete and leave the rest for when you are fully resourced, move your body more often, give yourself time to do nothing, simplify everything and rest, rest, rest!  I know it seems counter intuitive but resting is your path through any challenge and it is the best way to reconnect with your vibrancy, creativity and joy!

Love,

Individual and Group Coaching

From the outside, your life looks pretty good….but when you are completely honest you feel like there is something more that you want.  It’s okay to want more and if you know what that “more” is, great!  But if you don’t know, or if you don’t know how to take action to get the “more” I can help. 

Give me a call or respond to this email to set up a complimentary Joy Reconnection Experience – a one hour experience to move you out of tiredness, stress and overwhelm and onto the path of achieving the “more” that you are dreaming about!

The Way of the Happy Woman Autumn/Winter Retreat

Calling all overworked, overwhelmed, stressed out women!!  Self-care isn’t selfish; in fact, it’s a road back to yourself.  When we women slow down and attune to our bodies (and the cycles of nature), we become more vital, creative, and powerful.   “Taking the day to slow down and listen to my inner wisdom while being guided by Deb was one of the greatest gifts I could give myself. The space she created was beautiful and safe. I felt so nourished throughout the entire day and was able to carry that feeling with me. “ – Shannon Together, we’ll create a sacred container for quiet contemplation and creative group practices. Nourish yourself with women’s yoga, insight meditation, seasonal self-care secrets, intuitive journalling, and more. Please join me by clicking the link below!

Saturday November 28, 2020
Light of the Prairies
Early Registration deadline: November 13, 2020

Wholehearted Reader:

I hope you are able to enjoy some of the wonderful and playful energy of summer!  I will be taking some time off to recharge but I’ll be back with something juicy I have been working on the past few months so stay tuned! 

Be Generous with your Assumptions

The bow of my kayak cut cleanly and silently through the water – the only thing disturbing the glass-like surface.  A granite rock formation rose out of the water ahead of me and was my intended destination for a closer look. 

Absorbed in the visual calmness surrounding me and intent on my goal, I was startled by a sudden scraping sound – my kayak slowed by a rock just beneath the surface.  The rock formation I had been paddling toward extended underwater for several meters in all directions, submerged just deep enough for me to get stuck.  I had assumed that the rock rose straight out of the water and had forgotten that most things in life are rarely as they appear on the surface!

This is the problem with assumptions.  Have you ever done this (I have) – assume that a person, place or thing is just what you are seeing on the surface and rarely do you check any further to see if your assumptions are correct?  Failing to question your assumptions leads you to getting stuck in negative judgements, communication breakdowns, misunderstandings or on a rock in the middle of the lake!

What has confused me and often hurt me are the times when a friend or family member makes a negative assumption about something I have said, done or not done.  They seem to forget what they know to be true about me – that I am smart, kind, compassionate and capable.  If they could remember what they know about me, then maybe they would assume, instead, that there is more going on under the surface than they can currently see.  Instead of assuming that I am bad, wrong, inconsiderate or don’t know what I’m doing, why not be generous with their assumptions?

A concept that Brené Brown speaks about, being generous with your assumptions means you stop to think about your experience of a person, expand the benefit of the doubt and then check in with them to see if they are okay…

“Hey, when you canceled on me for the second time this week, I got concerned.  That isn’t like you – is everything okay?”

Being generous with your assumptions takes practice.  It means you must stop, breathe and step away from your knee jerk reactions of annoyance, judgement, disappointment or frustration and consider that there might be an even bigger “rock” under the surface.  There may be something you don’t know about yet that is causing the undesired behavior.  It is a challenging practice but it’s important and worthwhile and, I think, very necessary right now. 

Let’s be a more generous community.  Let’s be generous with our kindness, our love, our compassion and most of all with our assumptions.  Let’s remember that we all have inherent goodness and let that assumption keep us from getting stuck on the ‘rocks.’

Love,

 P.S.   Do you know one or two people who would enjoy receiving these articles? Let them know and encourage them to subscribe by sharing this link:

Newsletter Signup

Hello Kind Reader:

Let me start by extending my deepest gratitude to you – thank you for reading these newsletters!  I feel so fortunate to be able to share what I experience and love with other like minded people and my wish is that what I offer gives you a brief moment to take a deep breath and reconnect with yourself. 

Also, there is some yoga and personal coaching coming your way in July – read through to the end to find out more!

A Call for Love

Do you ever find it hard to get out of bed in the morning?

I try to start my day on a quiet, positive note, getting myself grounded and centered before too much of the external world can push its opinions and expectations on me.  My morning practices make it easier to get up and greet the day. 

One recent morning was an exception. 

I woke up to the news on the radio and it was not happy, positive news.  I began to feel the heaviness of the content weighing my body down, a kind of paralysis creeping into my muscles and bones.  Then the overwhelming worry that there was no more kindness left in the world. 

I laid in bed, no desire to leave, wondering what I could possibly do to make anything better.  Then I remembered something my friend said – “everything is either an act of love or a call for love.” *

I had my answer… and then my next questions….

What act of love could I commit today?

What call for love could I respond to today?

After years of practice, I knew the answers to these questions were in my body, not my mind.  I could think about these questions long and hard and keep going around and around without any sense of guidance or direction or I could put my attention into my body. 

I began a heart breathing practice called heart coherence.  My body grew lighter, my heart expanded, and my mind got more and more clear.  I got out of bed and followed my heart to my meditation bench, breathing and listening for each next step.  As each step became clear, I took action on it and then asked for the next step. 

When you get paralyzed by overwhelm, confusion, anxiety, the world situation or the ridiculously long list of items on your to do list remember that you don’t have to get it all figured out at once.  Small steps taken from the heart are really the only thing we can do to be more effective…at least that is my experience.  What would your family, your workplace, your community be like if everyone responded to life in this way?  I am not sure what it would be like but maybe it’s worth a try. 

I encourage you to try the heart focused breathing technique – it will calm your body and mind which not only helps you feel better in the moment but also gives you clarity on how to respond to whatever life is presenting to you.  It will make it easier to get out of bed in the morning!

Love,

* This phrase is based on the quote from Marianne Williamson – “The way of the miracle-worker is to see all human behavior as one of two things: either love, or a call for love.” 

Sweet Reader:

I am sure that you have heard more than one person make the comment that these are uncertain times. 

While life has always been and will always be uncertain, the current level of uncertainty has shaken us to the core and has many of us casting around for something to anchor into. So much of what we rely on has disappeared and there are so many unanswered questions like:

• what if I get sick?
• will I lose my job, will I be able to get another job?
• how will I pay my bills?
• will my parents be okay? my children? my family? my friends? my neighbors?
• how will we resume our social connections?
• will we have the confidence to be in the company of people again?
• when will this all end?

These are difficult questions and no matter where you turn there are no answers.  So, let me offer you what I am certain of:

1. You have been through this before
2. There are things you can absolutely be certain about (and you can lean into that certainty)

Let me explain….

1. You have been through this before – maybe not a global pandemic but there has been some event in your life where you have felt anxious, disconnected, isolated, uncertain, afraid, forced to juggle and madly rearrange.  You have faced uncertainty whether it was the end of marriage, the sudden loss of a family member, a new job, moving to a new city, a frightening health diagnosis, giving birth, a natural disaster….you have come face to face with uncertainty and you made it to the other side.  It might not have been comfortable or pretty, but you did it.  You are exceedingly more capable than you think you are and if you look at your life thus far, you will see that I am telling you the truth.  Lean into this truth now.
2. There are things you can be certain about – you just have to look for them.  As I write this note to you, we are coming out of a new moon.  This is the time of the month when the moon goes dark and you can’t see it in the night sky.  What I know for certain is that every time the moon enters this phase, it will come back into the light again.  I have witnessed this happening month after month, year after year.  This is also been taught to us by our ancestors – every month there will be a time of darkness and a time of light.  We will come back into the “light” and nature reminds us of this every single day. 

One last thought…. we never know from one breath to the next what is going to happen in life.  What if you could find certainty in the fact that life is uncertain?  What clarity might that idea give you?  How would you approach your day differently?

Turn towards yourself now.  Instead of looking for answers where there are none, anchor into your strength, resilience and your ability to face uncertainty with grace and messiness, fear and determination.  Life is changing and you have the capacity to change with it,  of this I am certain!

Love,

Free Wellness Summit

Jodi Griffith from Wholehearted Sage and I have taken this time to collaborate on a wellness project that you might be interested in.  For the past few weeks, we have been recording conversations with the wellness practitioners from Sundragon Studios and posting the conversations on Facebook. 

I invite you to take some time to listen in on these conversations to learn more about different health modalities and to gather simple practices and tools that you can use to improve your health while you wait to get back into your massage therapist, homeopath or tarot card reader!

Visit these conversations on my Get It Dunn Facebook page or on the Sundragon Studios Facebook page!

Dearest Reader:

How are you?

Stop. 

Take a deep breath.

Let your shoulders relax, just for this moment.

I invite you to use this newsletter as a brief reprieve from our currently chaotic and scary world. 

I want to offer you a few minutes of calm and maybe even some peace.  Last month, I wrote about self-compassion and its effect on the body.  Offering yourself compassion engages the parasympathetic nervous system and the body calms down. 

Calming ourselves is one of the most important actions you can take right now (along with washing your hands).  The calmer and more relaxed you can be, the stronger your immune system will be. 

A stronger immune system fights viruses more effectively.   

A stronger immune system recovers from viruses more quickly.

It’s hard to stay calm or get calm when you are around people who are panicking, when you have to make decisions based on information that is changing hour by hour, when you are worried, angry, afraid….

Please know that it’s normal to feel everything that you are feeling and if you can let yourself feel it all, even if only for a few seconds, you will find that you can relax a little bit. 

I recorded a short visualization for you to give you a break from everything and to bring some calm to your body, heart, mind and spirit.  I hope it helps – you can listen to it here:

A Stroll Through the Forest

Also, you are invited to join me for a no charge virtual gathering on Sunday March 22, 2020 at 1:30 pm CT.  I’ll share a few more practices that can assist you right now and we’ll have some time for a few questions and support.  There is no fee for the gathering, but you do need to register to get the links for attending.  You can register here.  I hope you can join me. 

I am sending you love and virtual hugs – stay well, stay connected to your heart and soon we will be on the other side of this wild and shaky time.

Love,

Sweet one:

A warm welcome to you and to the newest members of our community!  Things are starting to wake up in the Get It Dunn world and one sign is the Spring retreat is now open for registration.  Also, I am bringing back a favorite program from the GID vault – The 100 Day Challenge!  You can find more information about these programs after the message.  I would be delighted to have you join me for one or both of them!

A Little Compassion, Please!

I stood at the blackboard staring at the numbers, desperately willing them to magically make sense.  My high school math teacher stood over me, demanding that I solve the algebra equation he had written on the board. 

“WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU??” he yelled, “I HAVE TAUGHT YOU THIS OVER AND OVER AND OVER….SOLVE THE EQUATION!!”

I cringed as if I had been struck and could feel the tears starting to well up.  After a few more excruciating minutes of staring at the board in a panic, he took a step closer to me and with disgust practically oozing from his pores he yelled at me to sit down.

I returned to my desk, the telltale redness of shame and humiliation spreading over my neck and face.  A few of my classmates shifted nervously in their seats but most of them sat frozen, thankful that they hadn’t been the one at the blackboard and at the same time, terrified that they might be next. 

My math teacher did not have a reputation as a compassionate teacher.  It seems that he, like many of us, had been raised on the theory that motivation works best if it is harsh, humiliating and mean.  This type of motivation can work, briefly, but it creates a deep level of fear and is never sustainable over the long term. 

What my teacher didn’t realize was that he was creating the exact conditions that make it virtually impossible for me to learn. 

His yelling and shaming were threatening to me (along with his physical demeanor) and it triggered a response in my body that shuts everything down.  When you feel threatened, a defense mechanism is triggered in your body.  Your body believes its going to die so it prepares itself to fight, freeze or flee.  This preparation sends all your resources to your heart leaving all your other bodily systems with the bare minimum for survival. 

Including your brain. 

There is just enough power going to the brain to help your body fight, freeze or run away. There is nothing going to the parts of the brain that think, problem solve or create.  In other words, there is no ability to learn algebra when you are being threatened. 

What’s REALLY interesting to me is the same response happens in the body when the threat comes from the inside!  When you criticize, berate or speak harshly to yourself, your body thinks its under attack which means it immediately goes into defence mode and shuts everything down.  This may be manageable occasionally but if you are harshing on yourself daily you are doing some serious damage to your body.  Being in defense mode depletes your physical resources and erodes your body, leaving you tired, susceptible to illness (and eventually serious disease) and unable to think, create, solve problems or be effective in any way.  Your math teacher or your boss may not be yelling at you but if you are being mean and harsh to yourself it has the exact same effect. 

The good news is your body is also designed for another response.  When you are treated with warmth, kindness, gentle touch and soft voice tones, your body moves into a relaxation response.  There is a flood of oxytocin and other feel good hormones and chemicals through your body.  Your body softens, resources flow to all areas including the brain and you become more effective, open and creative. 

When you treat yourself with warmth, kindness, gentle touch and soft voice tones it’s called self-compassion and it is a very important ingredient if you want to have a healthy and joyful life.  No amount of exercise and eating right can make up for the damage done by beating yourself down!

We might not get much compassion from this world, but we always have the option to give it to ourselves.  I posted a short video on my Facebook page with a simple practice you can use if you need some ideas!  If we all start offering ourselves a little compassion, who knows what kind of world we will create?

Love,

P.S.  If you want to more tools to help you develop a self-compassion practice, I’ll be teaching them at the Spring Way of the Happy Woman retreat…. because a happy woman has healthy self-compassion!

P.P.S  I failed that math class and had to drop to a lower level but that put me with a different teacher and I was surprised to find out that I was able to learn math – once I wasn’t so scared!

Hello Wonderful User:

How is your schedule these days?  I’m sure it is very full if not impossibly jam packed!  Do you have the feeling that you are just barely hanging on and one more event, request or Hallmark movie will put you over the edge and everything will fall into shambles?

There is the usual advice for how to manage your obligations and responsibilities – get a new organizing system, say no, ask for help, delegate, buy more Häagen-Dazs…. all valid options, but let’s face it.

You’re probably not going to do any of it (…except maybe the ice cream). 

At this point, even activities that are meant to be helpful can seem like one more task on the overloaded to do list. 

I feel you.

I see how hard you work and how much you have to juggle and it’s really, really hard some days. 

I think of all the ways I might be able to help but they all seem like something else you might have to fit into your marathon of getting things done.  Except for this….

Pause….and breathe….

Try it right now…pause in your reading and take one deep breath (I’ll wait….)

There….not a big drain on your time and yet surprisingly effective.  Especially if you can do it more than once during your day.  In yoga, I teach students to pause briefly between poses to take a breath, get still and then move to the next pose.  I also encourage them to practice this off the mat.  What I notice in the classes and in my own practice of pausing is that there is more groundedness and lightness.  The feelings of anxiety and overwhelm are replaced with clarity and mindfulness and everything that needs to get done, gets done. 

My wish for you is a month filled with spaciousness, rest and time for everything you have on your to do list.  If this isn’t possible, then I hope you can pause once and a while and take a deep breath.  I know you’ll feel better for it and it just might be the break that you need in order to keep on keepin’ on!

Love,