Surgical Alignment (Moving from Fear to Love)
“Nothing good can reach you when you are in a state of fear.”
– Martha Beck
I was diagnosed with breast cancer first thing in the morning on Monday, April 29, 2013. The moment the words came out of the nurse’s mouth it seemed like my life suddenly leaped into fast forward. I moved into a flurry of information, filling out forms, tests and decisions. We were told that it would probably take about 3 weeks before I would hear about a surgery date.
Two days later I was standing in the home office that I shared with my husband when the phone rang. I answered and it was the nurse from my cancer surgeon’s office.
“We have a date for your surgery,” she said, “a spot has opened up next Wednesday at 12:45.”
My knees went weak and I was suddenly nauseous. Out of nowhere my body started a deep shaking like an impending volcanic eruption. NEXT WEEK?? One week away?? I can’t possibly….I don’t know….I have clients next Wednesday…. I realized I couldn’t breathe and I started to panic. There was no way I was ready for this or could be ready by next week, I thought.
“Is there any other option?” I asked in a shaky voice.
“Well….” she hesitated. “There is the possibility of the following Wednesday – May 15th. Just a minute while I check the schedule….”
I immediately shifted from panicked to feeling like a 5 year old that has just had their birthday cake taken away. May 15th is my birthday….I didn’t want to have cancer surgery on my birthday. I could feel the tears starting when she came back on the line.
“Yes, we could do the 15th or the 22nd but I’ll have to do some checking first – can I call you back?”
At the mention of the 22nd my body suddenly felt calm and light. I could now breathe, I wasn’t panicking and the threat of tears was gone. The 22nd seemed ideal to me – I could wrap up my business commitments, still celebrate my birthday and then it would be a clear transition to take off the month of June to recover. Everything about that date just felt ….right.
“Yes, you can call me back,” I replied, “but if it’s possible, I would like the 22nd. I really can’t do the 15th.”
She paused for a moment and then said, “Okay, let me do some shifting around and I’ll call you back.”
I hung up the phone feeling calm and clear. I glanced at my husband across the desk.
“You should call them back and say that you will definitely take the 22nd. Make sure they know that, in fact you should just take the appointment next week. Your clients will understand.” He was pushing hard for me to call them back and I felt like crying again.
“Why are you pushing me so hard? What are you so upset about? The surgeon said I don’t have to rush into anything, a couple of weeks won’t make a difference…” I pushed back.
“I just don’t want you to get forgotten. I don’t want them to shove your file to the bottom of the pile because you are being picky about a surgery date.” He looked pale and scared. “I want you to stand up for yourself and what you need, that’s all.”
I took a deep breath and said, “This is what I need.”
And right in that moment, I felt my body shift and everything seemed to “click” into place. I felt strong, grounded and clear, like everything in my life had suddenly lined up and there was nothing that could knock me over. There was power in this feeling and also gentleness. I knew without a shred of doubt that I was making a really good decision. (It wasn’t until the day of the surgery that I understood why this decision was so aligned….but that’s a story for another time!). The nurse called me back a few minutes later and confirmed the 22nd as my surgery date.
The strong reactions in my body that day taught me to listen to my body very closely. Instead of making a decision based in fear, I made the decision based in love – knowing what was right for me and loving myself enough to take a stand for it. I now trust this feeling implicitly and refer to it as my “surgical alignment” whenever I am making decisions.
You have this inner guidance system as well. Your body, your emotions and your spirit are always communicating with you….can you hear them? Do you give them space and trust that you are being guided for your highest good? Do you make your decisions from a place of fear or a place of love?
This relationship with yourself is the most powerful and fulfilling relationship you will ever cultivate and if you feel like you could use some support with sprucing up your inner relationship then please join me for my spring Way of the Happy Woman retreat. It’s just a couple of weeks away and….it’s on my birthday (a much better way to spend my birthday, don’t you think?)! There are still some spots left so come and help me celebrate and find your path to your own happy woman!
Love
Deb
The Way of the Happy Woman Spring Self-Care Full Day Retreat
When we women slow down and attune to our bodies (and the cycles of nature), we become more vital, creative, and powerful.
If you’re longing to give more, do more, be more, please join me for a very special full day self-care retreat for women!
Together, we’ll create a sacred container for quiet contemplation and creative group practices. Nourish yourself with women’s yoga, insight meditation, seasonal self-care secrets, intuitive journaling, and more. It’s all based on The Way of the Happy Woman (www.wayofthehappywoman.com ): Sara Avant Stover’s acclaimed book, practice collection, and global community. Click here for details & registration. I hope to see you there!
Sunday May 15, 2016
9:30 am – 5:15 pm
Light of the Prairies Retreat Center
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I do my best to teach yoga with the intention of nourishing all parts of you – not just the physical body. Join me for a class and leave feeling refreshed, connected and cared for!
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