I stood on the edge of the platform and leaned out to grab the trapeze.  The instructor held onto my harness and said “now let go of the safety bar and grab the trapeze with your other hand.”  Every cell in my body screamed “DO NOT LET GO OF THE SAFETY BAR!!”  I replied to my instructor in a shaky voice, “I don’t think I can let go.”

“Yes you can,” he responded with complete confidence.

So I let go, grabbed the trapeze and on his signal I jumped off the platform, swinging on the trapeze attempting (unsuccessfully) to do the routine I had been instructed to do.  As I landed in the safety net my instructor called out that I had failed miserably and that I would have to do it again!  The combination of fear and adrenaline coursing through my body coupled with the amount of physical strength (that I clearly didn’t possess) required for the task made me laugh nervously and say “I don’t think I can do it – it’s too hard.”

Then he leaned toward me, looked me in the eyes and said “You can do this, now go climb up that ladder and do it.”

Body trembling with fear and muscle fatigue, I turned around and climbed up the ladder to the platform.  This time I leaped off the platform and performed the routine as instructed!  Success!  One step closer to joining the circus!!

Have you ever limited yourself because you didn’t have the confidence that you would be successful?  Maybe the fear of being humiliated, looking foolish, getting bad news or being physically injured was so overpowering that your confidence in yourself disappeared faster than candy at a child’s birthday party. Increasing confidence is a big part of what I help my clients with – confidence to change jobs, leave or start a relationship, try something new, pursue their dreams or simply to live their life the way they want to live it.

Lack of confidence is no reason to limit yourself.  Just because you don’t have it doesn’t mean you are doomed to never take the leap into what you want.  Confidence can be arranged.  The trapeze instructor had enough confidence in me to fuel me for my second attempt. My trainer at the gym gives me an exercise that I am convinced I won’t be able to do. She’s so confident that I try it and to my amazement, I am successful.  It’s what I do with my clients – hold unwavering confidence in them until they have cultivated the confidence to do everything they have ever wanted to do.

Whether you are unsure about changing your job, worried about going for your medical test results, or afraid of speaking up for yourself, confidence can be arranged and you have the power to arrange whatever you need.  How’s that for confidence?!

Recently I was fortunate to take a trip to the Bahamas.  The trip had been planned for months but inevitably, there was much rushing around at the last minute to take care of everything that needed taking care of in order for me to be away for a week.  In the old days, I would try to do everything, running myself down in the process and arrive on my holiday completely exhausted.  I’m getting better at discerning what the priorities really are before I go away and this past month I got even better! 

Because we are in the 100 Day Challenge right now, doing my 100 Day activity (writing) every day became unmanageable.  After a few days of completely forgetting to do the challenge (and then beating myself up for forgetting) it occurred to me that perhaps I needed a different approach.  Perhaps I could take a break.  Hhmmm…take a break from a commitment….what would people say, what would the other participants think, what would become of my challenge if I took a break???  The idea was intriguing enough that I decided to experiment.  I gave myself permission to put the 100 Day Challenge on a short 5 day break with the intention of returning to the challenge once I had departed for my holiday. 

What relief!!  It may not seem like a big deal to you but the 100 Day Challenge is a commitment that I make to myself and to my community of clients and followers.  It’s important to me that I do my best to stick with it so that I can inspire others to do the same.  Taking a break seemed to go against all the rules!  And…it worked.  It actually gave me more time – not just because there was one less thing on my to do list, but because all the energy I invested in beating myself up for missing a day or in trying to figure out a better system was also freed up.  So often, it’s not the number of things on our to do list that drains our energy, it’s the amount of energy we spend thinking about and resisting the items on the to do list. 

Can you give yourself a break from your challenges?  Just for a few minutes or maybe a day or two?  What new perspective could you bring to your challenges if you had a break?  Can you give yourself a break from thinking about your challenges – just for a little while?  Give your mind the space to explore something delightful or intriguing and notice if that doesn’t change your day, just a little bit!  What do you think?  Share your thoughts here!

Joyfully,

Deb

“Who do you think you are?”

Did anyone ever say this to you?  This question is often posed in an attempt to “put you in your place,” a place of shrinking, hiding or covering up your natural expression of your strengths and talents.  There is some idea that if you are too confident, too sure of yourself or too fearless it’s going to go to your head and you will be some egotistical narcissist – and nobody wants that….

I can’t imagine this happening.  Most of the people that I know and have worked with over the last 25 years are so unlikely to become “full of themselves” it’s laughable.  A colleague in my Mastermind group said to me “I think that instead of shrinking us this question should expand us” and I agree with her.  Who do you think you are?

Do you know who you are?  Are you strong, compassionate, a lover of chocolate?  Do you get excited about NASCAR, irate that 100’s of children go to school without breakfast, weepy over Hallmark commercials?  Do you know that you are extraordinary, beautiful and courageous (you are…don’t even try to argue with me on this one!)?  Sometimes we are not sure who we are because we have been told too many times who we should be which means that our authentic selves often get lost. Isn’t it time for you to know who you are again?

What I can tell you is that knowing who you are makes you stronger, healthier and more powerful.  You make better decisions, develop the ability to say no and set boundaries and are able to create more time and energy for yourself and the people you love. Doesn’t that sound delightful?

Who do you think you are?!

We are just over two weeks into the 100 Day Challenge and I think I need a course correction!  The challenge I set out for myself was to write everyday for a minimum of 10 minutes.  The writing had to be non work related writing because I spend so much of my time writing for my website, newsletter, blog, clients, etc. 

I didn’t realize how hard this was going to be for me and I am finding that the writing gets left until the end of my day which is when I am tired, uninspired and wanting to go to bed.  Hhmm, not as much fun as I anticipated!  Time for an adjustment.

This is an important point about the 100 Day Challenge…just because you started out with a great idea and a plan doesn’t mean that you can’t adjust the idea and the plan as you go along.  This is true about so many parts of our lives (not just the 100 Day Challenge).  Sometimes we will set a goal or get an idea in our mind that things have to be exactly the way we first set them out to be and when it doesn’t seem to be working out the way we thought, we will abandon the idea or give up on the goal.  While giving up may relieve some of the initial pressure, we will often end up feeling bad or disappointed that we didn’t achieve our goal. 

When my clients reach this giving up stage, it gives us the opportunity to rekindle the original desire for the goal and then make some adjustments (or course correct) so that they can move forward with a more manageable goal or plan. 

As for me, I am going to change my challenge slightly by adjusting the kind of writing from non work related to having 2 -3 days out of the week being work related writing and the rest of the week will be for the stories, poems, etc that I have been playing with.  This way, I can use the days of the week where I have more space in my schedule for the non work writing which will make it less of an obligation and put the joy back in my challenge. 

How about you?  What do you do when your goals prove to be a bit too challenging?  Have you had to make any adjustments to your 100 Day Challenge yet?  Feel free to share your experiences here so that we can all learn together!

Joyfully,

Deb

It has become a tradition at Get It Dunn that every February marks the start of the 100 Day Challenge.  It’s a free program that is offered for the clients, newsletter subscribers, Facebook fans and Twitter followers of Get It Dunn.  Participants are encouraged to choose an activity that will improve their life in some way, either by adding something new or letting go of something that doesn’t serve them well anymore.  The challenge is to do that activity every day for 100 Days…in a row….no breaks…no weekends off….every single day!  This can sound intimidating and it’s supposed to – it’s a challenge!  It takes dedication, commitment and a strong desire to change your life and the 100 Day Challenge provides the environment for learning how to make a change in small, manageable steps.  When participants look back at the end of the challenge, they can not only see what they have accomplished but they are also amazed to reflect on what they have learned about themselves. 

Over the last four years Challengers have written e-books and books, improved their health, increased their upper body strength, cut sugar out of their diet, added fruit to their diet, walked for miles, trained for marathons, cleared clutter out of their home, developed a new hobby, created works of art, rid their lives and homes of tolerations, created a culture of gratitude, got more rest and cultivated a meditation practice – to mention a few!  We usually end the challenge with less participants than we start with and I know that regardless of how long people last in the challenge, they always find it a valuable experience. 

Just before we kicked off the 100 Day Challenge, I was meeting with my mastermind group and I was challenging the members to participate.  One of the participants was hesitant not because she didn’t think she could do it but because doing one activity for 100 Days would cause her to lose interest.  She is a person who loves variety and has a gift for taking things from concept to implementation very quickly.  So, we devised a way for her to participate in the structure of the challenge but still in a way that aligned with her authenticity.  She has decided to do a number of time sensitive projects – 72 hour challenges – within the 100 Day Challenge all of which will lead to the accomplishment of a larger goal in her business.  Another mastermind colleague has decided to join us and has made the public declaration on her blog (http://marketingsoapbox.com/) so that she will be even more accountable for doing her challenge every day.  Check out her blog as she mentions a few other ways to structure your challenge that may be of interest to you. 

However you choose to participate, I welcome you to the challenge with open arms (or open blog..!) and hope that you will enjoy being a part of this awesome community of people who like to play bigger!  It’s not too late to join the challenge and if you want to be included in the reminder/support emails, head over to my sign up page  (http://www.getitdunn.ca/2012/02/06/100-day-challenge/) and you’ll be added to the list.  Just one of the ways that you can be sure to get through the challenge with more joy! 

Any questions or comments?  Leave them here and remember to check back often to read about how we are doing throughout the challenge!

Joyfully,

Deb

“Would you like some help out with your groceries today?”

This was the question that I was waiting for as I paid for my groceries. I was recovering from major surgery and had just started getting slowly back into my usual routines. I was under strict instructions to keep the walking to a minimum and definitely no heavy lifting. So, for the first time in my life, I needed help with getting my groceries into my car and today I planned to say “yes” when the clerk asked.  She didn’t ask.  Guess what I did next?  I pushed my cart out of the store and then proceeded to unpack the grocery bags, one item at a time, until the bag was light enough for me to lift. Then, I repacked the bags that were now in my car, one item at a time.

I’m not proud of this story but I am sharing it to make a point. The point is, it’s time for us to start asking for help. Most of us don’t ask for help – heck, most of us don’t even accept help when it’s offered. But not asking for or not accepting help is making life much harder than it needs to be (if life needs to be hard at all).  

I know, I know…I can hear you already….”but Deb, if I ask for help, I’ll look weak…I’ll lose my independence…it makes me vulnerable…then I’ll be indebted to them and what if I can’t pay them back…what if they say no….it’s faster if I do it myself…”  I have heard every excuse in the book about why you can’t/shouldn’t/won’t ask for help and here is what I have to say about each one:

“It takes a strong person to know when they need help and to ask for it.  We are not meant to be independent but rather interdependent – why do you think there are other people on the planet?? With all of these people on the planet, we need some way to connect and build relationships and we can’t build any deep or satisfying relationships without being vulnerable. People don’t help others just to get something in return, they help because it makes them feel good and lets them use their skills and strengths.  Wouldn’t you like to help others feel good? It’s pretty rare that someone would say no to helping you – don’t you usually help others when you are asked?  If they do say no, it’s not because you are a bad, weak or needy person, it’s because they just aren’t able to help.  In the long run most things take longer to do by yourself and require more energy so getting help will give you more time and energy that you can use to do something fun!”

I have more responses for anyone who feels uncomfortable asking for help but the main reason that most people don’t ask for help has to do with self worth and deserving. You are worthy and deserving of having an inspiring and joyful life and if you still think you have a good reason that you can’t ask for help, leave your below and I’ll help you see a different perspective!

It’s the start of a whole new year! It’s a clean slate that awaits your first mark – your intentions, desires, hopes, dreams and goals for the coming year.  It’s a time that is classically reserved for resolving that your life will be different this year – that you will lose the weight, get in shape, improve your relationships, get out of debt and get organized!  Phew…that’s quite a list!  

Does it sound familiar?  Do you find yourself making the same resolutions every year only to discover that you haven’t achieved them yet again by year’s end?  The resolutions I listed are among the top 10 most popular and at their essence, there is nothing wrong with them.  However, from my perspective, there is an implication that you are lacki ng in some way.  Instead of starting your year thinking that you have to “fix” yourself, why not consider that you are already perfect, whole and enough?  Instead of setting goals that require you to maintain a will of steel 24/7, why not engage the energy of joy and inspiration?  

I used to set resolutions with great enthusiasm and hope only to realize that a few months into the year I had strayed from my resolve.  This straying lead to beating myself up for lack of discipline, feeling like a failure and giving up on being able to have the life I wanted.  Whoo hoo…happy new year to me!! Then the day finally came when I realized that all of this beating up, struggling and not being enough was making me miserable.  That’s when I decided that I needed more joy in my life, not more hard work, more will power or more discipline.  

A more joyful way to begin the New Year emerged when I began choosing a theme for the year.  Last year my theme was The Incredible Lightness of Being and I had a year filled with lightness, joy and managed to lift an incredible weight off my shoulders.  I danced more, traveled more, spent more time with friends, make some delightful new friends, lightened my workload, reduced my obligations, lost some weight and improved my health.  Mission Accomplished!

This year my theme is Boldness of Being!  This theme thrills me and scares me at the same time which tells me there is good energy in this theme, energy that will fuel me all year long, not just for the first few months.  

I highly recommend that you try this approach.  Choose a theme for your year – a word or a phrase that makes your blood move, makes you a little bit uncomfortable and most importantly, that makes you giggle like a little child with a yummy secret!  

To make it even yummier, send me an email before January 31 with 2012 Theme in the message line, tell me your theme and I’ll enter your name in a draw for a deck of my Reconnect to Yourself Cards.  

What is your experience with New Year’s resolutions?  Do they work for you?  Does the thought of a theme change anything for you?  Share your thoughts with me on the blog.

Happy New Year!

I just realized one of my dreams!  A few weeks ago I finally made it to the Grand Canyon.  For most of my life I have wanted to visit this natural wonder and as I walked out the trees and stood on the rim of the canyon for the first time, I cried.  There were no words that could adequately describe the majesty of that view so rather than try to express myself with words, I shifted into the feeling of the moment.  Oh, what a feeling!  My body relaxed, my breathing slowed down, the weariness and tension of life began to fade away making room for joy and lightness to flow in.  I arrived at the Grand Canyon feeling drained and tired and even though we walked for several miles that day, I left feeling rejuvenated and replenished.  I felt expansive!

What expands your energy?  What rejuvenates you and fills you up so that even when you are physically tired, you feel like you could go on forever?  Do you pay attention to what gives you energy and to what drains your energy?  The best way that I know of to answer these questions is to become present with your body.  Most of us (me included) spend our time in our heads – thinking, analyzing, problem solving, etc., and while all of these activities have value, they don’t give you the complete picture.  By feeling your body’s response to requests, people, situations, etc., you will get a more complete picture of what expands you and what drains you.

What drains your energy?  Toxic people, health issues, clutter, the inability to say “no”, inefficient work space, obligations, the weather, complainers or bad habits are just a few examples of what can drain you.  How can you tell what drains you?  Check in with your body.  Feeling tense, irritated, contracted, clenched, queasy or tired are a few of the feelings you might experience when something or someone drains your energy.

What might expand your energy?  Rest, beauty, good food, inspiring conversations, connecting with a good friend, gorgeous music or a relationship with the Divine are a few ideas to get you started.  How will you know if something or someone energizes you?  Check in with your body.  Smiles, a giggle, a deep, deep breath, a release of tension, lightness, or joy are a few of the indicators that more energy is coming your way.

Paying attention to and managing your energy is the most effective way to create balance, meaning and joy in your life.  Once you make it a priority to expand your energy every day you will feel like you can go on forever – just like the Grand Canyon!

I had been feeling deeply tired for several months.  A visit to my doctor revealed a few health issues (that I am taking care of now) but there was still a lingering sense of being worn out.  After some reflecting and getting curious about what might be wearing me down, I had a revelation.  I was tired of struggling.  More precisely, I was tired of struggling with self doubt.  I realized that I was always doubting something – was I making the right decisions, was I really helping my clients, was the content in my newsletters of value (was anyone even reading them), was I wearing the right outfit….doubt, doubt, doubt – it was my constant companion and I was tired of doing battle with it everyday.  I decided to take a sabbatical.

The definition of a sabbatical is ‘any extended period of leave from one’s customary work, especially for rest, to acquire new skills or to do research.’  What struck me in this definition were the words leave, rest and acquiring new skills.  I decided to take a leave from self doubt, give myself a rest and in the process maybe I would acquire some new skills.  Anytime I noticed doubts popping up (about anything) I would remind myself that I was on sabbatical and then turn my attention to being decisive, confident or to any other quality that the situation required.  My energy returned, and I actually got more done in less time.  You can waste so much time and energy struggling with issues that don’t support you!

Do you need a sabbatical?  Would an extended leave from your customary struggles revive your energy and give you a new perspective on how to proceed?  Most of us can’t take a physical leave from our everyday lives and I know the challenges that some of you are dealing with would never afford you the opportunity to actually take a leave.  Where this technique is so effective is in your thinking.  You CAN take a leave from negative thoughts, berating yourself, doubting yourself, not believing in yourself, worry about the future, worrying about the past, nagging or criticizing yourself…etc, etc, etc!  Consider giving yourself a break – a couple of weeks, a month, 6 months and I guarantee you’ll “return” feeling stronger, more energized and armed with some awesome new skills!