December 12, 2016

Wake up Call

Filed under: Reconnection — Deb @ 11:02 pm
Permission for a Late Start
Being Authentic is Messy!

Happy Greetings to you,

I know there have been many, many articles, blogs, social medial posts, videos, opinions pieces, etc shared about the results of the US election.  There are many different perspectives and I don’t have a specific opinion about it but today I want to share something that directly impacted me and as a result has created a significant shift in my life.

It came near the end of the election race.  For the most part, I had been trying to ignore the comments from Trump up until the pussy grabbing comment.  That was the comment that woke something up in me – something deep inside me.  For a few days I walked around in a rage.  Outraged that someone could say something so disrespectful.  Livid that for many people it was acceptable to say things like that if you were in a locker room.  As I stomped through my days getting angrier it finally started to show up in my body.  I noticed how tense my belly and back were, how rigid my neck and shoulders were, my jaw clenched as much as my hands.

I’m not proud of this and I don’t condone violence but I think if Trump had crossed my path during my rage, I would have punched him.

More than once.

Not above the belt….

But I digress…

 

Noting the extreme tension in my body gave me pause.

What are you so angry about?”  I asked myself.  “Why are his comments triggering you so strongly?”

I stopped for a minute to consider the question.  I went into coaching mode and got really curious about my anger.

Then I exploded.  I started yelling (I was alone in my house at the time…) “He’s triggering me because he’s an asshole!!  He has no respect for women, he thinks we are just here to serve him – we have no value, our work has no value our process and way of being have no value….”

Suddenly I stopped yelling.  A sick feeling in my stomach started to make its way into my chest and throat…. “Oh crap,” I moaned. “He’s triggering me because he is mirroring something – something for me to see about myself…”

(dry heave)

“Crap!”

I’m not respecting myself.

I’m not respecting my needs.

I’m not valuing my work, my process, my feminine way of being.

Wow.

I sat in shock for several minutes.  I thought I respected and valued myself and my work but as I faced the darkness of this truth, of my not really valuing myself,  I could see how I was just as capable of disrespect as I judged Mr. Trump to be.

Then a new part of me woke up.

A fierce and determined part of me that will no longer hide what I believe in or what I have to offer.  A force inside of me that will not devalue myself in any way, ever again.  A new strength has been awakened and I don’t think it will be able to go back to sleep again.  And I am hoping this might wake something up inside you, too.

Thanks for the wake up call, Mr. Trump.

Love,

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