Darling

January was a tough month for me.  Worn out from Christmas, then some plans and dreams falling through, life circumstances that were (and are) out of my control, having the rug pulled out from under me, twice…all wrapped up in a package of very harsh winter weather.

Did I move through this challenging month with grace and positivity?

No, I did not.

January left me tired, depressed and doubting my ability to do anything.  In fact, near the end of the month, it was so obvious that I wasn’t myself that a loving friend gently pointed out that I was being extremely harsh with myself.  She patiently suggested how I could view the various events differently and how they weren’t related to my being a good or bad person, they were simply the price of admission for being human. 

As a recovering perfectionist, I thought I had figured out all the ways my perfectionism can show up but here it was, rearing its persistent little head again!  Not just showing me that I still wasn’t perfect but adding on the judgement that I was worthless because I wasn’t perfect. 

Ouch.

Time for a reset!

I doubled down on my support tools and daily practices.  I asked for help from my coach, my husband and a close friend.  I listened harder and more deeply for the wise woman inside me who knows I am worthy and I let her guide me to a new understanding and awareness of who I am.  Instead of beating myself up for all my mistakes, failures and short comings I have challenged myself to use kindness as a motivator. 

Because somewhere, somehow, we learned that being harsh, berating, pushing, shoving, judging and beating ourselves up would keep us safe, help us get what we wanted in life, motivate us.  Have you ever been hard on yourself?

Maybe these tactics work…. for a short time…but in my experience (my own and from coaching others) it’s not a sustainable approach and leaves us feeling depleted, demoralized – our spirit crushed.

I decided to share my challenge on my Facebook page to keep me focused and to add some kindness to the online world too.  I started on February 1^st and you are welcome to read what I’m doing or even play along yourself.  I will be teaching some of the support tools I mentioned above in my spring retreat and if you want some new ways to treat yourself, you’ll want to join us in March.   It never hurts to be a bit kinder and if we can do it together, who knows how we might change the world!

Love,